Humility . . . Is it a Lost Art?

The Scenario: Have you ever been on a date with a man who didn’t open the door for you, or pull out your chair? Have you ever held the door open for your date, or pulled out her chair and didn’t receive a thank you? It’s almost as if manners have become a lost art. When your efforts are not received with humility, it’s only natural to become frustrated.

How do you return the lost art of humility to your life?

Some describe humility as one of the highest human virtues. We will define humility as being proud to possess human characteristics such as humbleness, courteousness and modesty. Humility is never imposing, rude, arrogant or expectant.

Three steps toward humility.

1.     Make the Offer

• Offer your attention, time, assistance, gratitude, feedback and support when needed. Those actions begin the standards for humility and servitude in your relationship.

2.     Lead by Example

• Your actions should be an indication of what you hope to have others return to you.

3.     Do Not Judge

• If you are not treated in the manner you hope for, do not judge the other person or waiver in your resolve to possess humility. Maintain your personal integrity and either he or she will begin to change, or you will grow tired of poor treatment.

The Insight: Practice acts of kindness and give what you hope to receive in return. Be that person in all aspects of your life that and lead others toward restoring the lost art of humility.

Can you start to restore humility in your life today?

By Sheba

www.bySheba.com

A Positive Perspective for Life, Love, and Relationships

Friday Review . . . Relationships

Thank you so much for your interest in The Insight, by Sheba. I hope you enjoyed this week’s blogs about “Relationships.”

Next week’s topic we will be “Positive and Negative Energy.”

The blog that resonated the most for me this week was Thursday, “Do you Have Guidelines.” Being in a relationship is sometimes complicated. Remembering the guidelines so that we stay in the “healthy” category helps to bring self-awareness back to basics and reminds me that we are solely responsible for our roles in the relationship.

Friday Review: Happy Reading!

1.     How do you Measure?

• The stimulus, value, and roles stages help to determine the role a person will play in your life, but whether you realize it or not, that potential partner or friend is evaluating where your qualities reside in each category as well.

2.     Do you Know When to Invest?

• When we put forth as much effort as our partner, that one person satisfies our needs, the resources invested are high, and our support group backs the relationship, then we can deduce that the relationship is worth the investment.

3.     The Next Stage.

• It is not enough to understand how you feel about your partner. You should consider their needs and what stage they have progressed to in your relationship. Know what led to deterioration in past relationships so you both are cautious of the same situations.

4.     Do you Have Guidelines?

• Creating a healthy relationship takes a lot more time and energy than simply having a role model to emulate. We create the path to a successful relationship by knowing how we define it, recognize its attributes, and understand our responsibility in its success.

The Insight: Know how to define the relationship you want, how much you are willing to invest, the stages of your relationship, and stay true to your expectations. After that, you will see the fruits of your labor for love.

Have a wonderful weekend!

By Sheba

Relationships . . . Do you Have Guidelines?

The Scenario: When you were younger did you want to be Wonder Woman, Miss America, Superman or the Incredible Hulk? These were the super hero roles models of childhood. Now think about relationships. Who were your role models? Parents. Whether we like it or not, they created the foundations for our expectations in relationships. However, some of us have not experienced a healthy relationship and don’t know how they work.

“My heroes are and were my parents. I can’t see having anyone else as my heroes.” ~ Michael Jordan

How do we create a healthy relationship if we’ve never been exposed to one?

Here are ten guidelines:

1.     Trust yourself and listen to your inner voice.

2.     Know your needs and the needs of your partner.

3.     Identify goals, standards, and ideals that you and your partner will aim for.

4.     Communicate the detailed ideas of what you and your partner expect in a relationship.

5.     Have a solid foundation with family and friends.

6.     Accept people for who they are and their immediate actions. Do not try to change anyone but yourself.

7.     Be mindful of repetitive behaviors that have the same outcome and find ways to disrupt the unhealthy patterns.

8.     Create a system for self-regulating in emotionally charged situations. Know your comfort zones.

9.     Be patient and remember that there is a learning curve for you and your partner.

10. Do not accept behavior that creates physical, emotional, or mental stress in your life!

The Insight: Creating a healthy relationship takes a lot more time and energy than simply having a role model to emulate. We create the path to a successful relationship by knowing how we define it, recognizing its attributes, and understanding our responsibility in its success.

What are your guidelines for a healthy relationship?

By Sheba

www.bySheba.com

A Positive Perspective for Life, Love, and Relationships

Relationships . . . Do you Know When to Invest?

The Scenario: If you put a large down payment on a beautiful new house and lived there for two years, would you move out because you no longer liked the kitchen tile? No. Your intention is to live there for a long time. You would invest more. When we invest in relationships the result can be a wonderful, mutually beneficial situation where we receive just as much as we give.

“Knowing your deepest intention can be your guiding force in the creation of a better life.” ~ Oprah Winfrey

How do we know when to invest in a relationship?

According to a study by Dr. Caryl Rusbult, there are factors that contribute to a lasting commitment between two people.

Investment Model

Satisfaction level: When a person identifies their “partner,” they experience a higher level of satisfaction with that person based on rewards versus cost and what they deem to be “fair value.”

Quality of alternatives: When there are specific needs to be met, a person compares the attractiveness of other potential alternative relationships before he or she makes a decision.

Investment size: The amount and importance of resources that have been invested creates a value system for the relationship. In addition, fairness in the relationship and the acceptance from family and friends or social support creates a positive environment that influences the length of time the couple stays together.

What do you want in return for your reinvestment?

The Insight: When we put forth as much effort as our partner, our needs are satisfied by that one person, the resources invested are high, and our support group backs the relationship, then we can deduce that the relationship is worth the investment.

How do you know when to invest?

By Sheba

www.bySheba.com

A Positive Perspective for Life, Love, and Relationships

Relationships . . . How do you Measure?

The Scenario: You just met someone who already calls you by adoring names and yet, you are not sure how you feel about that person. You don’t know if he or she will be an acquaintance, friend, best friend or partner. How is it that they feel so close to you when you have not yet determined the category of your relationship?

“No person is your friend who demands your silence, or denies your right to grow.” ~ Alice Walker

What barometer do we use to measure the qualities of a person and decide if they are friends, companions, or life-long partners?

There is one theory by Dr. Bernard I. Murstein that purports to answer that question.

Stimulus-value-role theory

Stimulus Stage: Value satisfaction is based on physical appearance, age, and ethnicity

Value Stage: Compare values and determine if we are like-minded enough to move forward

Role Stage: We sort out responsibilities to build working relationships and avoid role ambiguity

That is why that person feels so close to you. You “fit-the-mold” for the kind of relationship they want.

The Insight: The stimulus, value, and roles stages help to determine the role a person will play in your life, but whether you realize it or not, that potential partner or friend is evaluating where your qualities reside in each category as well.

How do you measure the qualities of your friends or partner?

By Sheba

www.bySheba.com

A Positive Perspective for Life, Love, and Relationships